This guide belongs to 100 Ways To Be Being Remarkable Series, a special project that brings you business and self-development advice from The Success Manual.

It takes at least two to dialogue. Anything less is just a rant.
- Anon

How to have a conversation
Generally, “What do you do?” unleashes a response that leads to a good conversation (hence the recommendation below). Generally, if you listen more than you talk, you will (ironically) be considered not only a good conversationalist but also smart.
- Guy Kawasaki

"We know the sounds of two ands clapping.
But what is the sound of one hand clapping?"
– A Zen Koan

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
- Wilson Mizner

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Anon

The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.
- 5ives.com

The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from speaking.
- Louis Vermeil

An actor is one, if you are not talking about him, he isn’t listening.
- Marlon Brando

Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
- Louis Untermeyer

“....and they were all honorable men.”
- Mark Antony, (in ‘Julius Caeser’)

The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated - and a little drunk.
- Alben W. Barkley

Read my lips: No Taxes.
- George Bush, Sr.

A speech is a solemn responsibility. The man who makes a bad thirty-minute speech to two hundred people wastes only a half hour of his own time. But he wastes one hundred hours of the audience’s time - more than four days - which should be a hanging offense.
- Jenkin Lloyd Jones

To each his own language style
How you speak tells a lot about where you stand. Language style is based more on power than gender.

To figure out what type of communication you use, tape your side of phone calls, make a tape of a meeting, or sign up for a communications workshop.

1. A person who feels confident and in control will speak at length, set the agenda for a conversation, stave off interruptions, argue openly, make jokes and laugh. Such a person is more inclined to make statements, less inclined to ask questions. They are more likely to offer solutions or a program or a plan. All this creates a sense of confidence in listeners.

2. People who lack power encourage other speakers, seek numerous questions, avoid arguments and rely on gestures such as nodding and smiling that suggest agreement. They tend to offer empathy rather than solutions. They often use unfinished sentences. Unfinished sentences are common language style for those who lack power.

3. To figure out who gets listened to within your circle, try to sit in on a meeting as a kind of researcher, observing conversational patterns. Watch who talks, who changes the course of the discussion, who sort of drops in and out of the conversation. Then try to determine who gets noticed and why.

4. To speak with power, avoid seeking collaborations in the statements you make - try to avoid, “As Ram said” and “I pretty well agree with Abdul”. All these serve to undermine the impact of your statements.
- Harvard Business Review

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?
- Shirdi Sai Baba, Indian Saint

TALK LIKE A CEO
A Fortune 50 CEO being coached before the conference, reported by the New York Times from Davos:

“You've got to stay on message,”
"Don't answer the question being asked,"
"Get to your message,"
Use "bridge phrases" such as "meanwhile" or "what we know is" to avoid the question being asked and change the context of the answer.
"Like the politicians do," the chief executive exclaimed.
"Journalists are looking for complete sentences,…Especially on TV. You want to give them full messages."
Use “flagging,": insert phrases such as, "the most important thing is…" and "the main idea is…"

“Don’t forget to tell reporters what you do."
- Paul Kedoresky

You can't talk your way out of a situation you behave yourself into.
- Dr Stephen Covey

HOW TO TALK LIKE BILL CLINTON
Former U.S. President is considered by many as the most powerful speaker of his generation.

1. He uses actual facts (or things that sound like they should be facts at least) to support his opinions. When he was making a point, he'd list off a bunch of things that supported the point he was making.

2. He never claimed to be a common man. When talking about tax cuts for the rich, he specifically said that it benefited him.

3. He's excellent with body language. He was animated, without looking forced. The way he moved suggested that he really was serious about what he was saying. He has a great smile, and when he wants to look happy to be there, you damn well better believe he looks happy to be there.

4. He pandered to us more carefully than most. This was a big crowd of college kids, but he didn't insult us by favoring increased college spending (as part of a democratic agenda) over other issues (clearly, Iraq, immigration, energy).

5. He's personable. He's not like some John Kerry-type stuffy, boring guy, he actually seems like a human being.

Overall, he managed to make his speech seem more interactive than some of the other people that spoke. It seemed like he was speaking with us, not at us.
- Adapted from a conversation in Metafilter.com

Everyone has a right to his own opinions, but not his own facts.
- Daniel Patrick Moynihan

BE THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
1. Think of yourself as the host of the party, or featured speaker at an event.
2. Make an impression that will be remembered
3. If you make a verbal commitment, follow through as if it were written
4. Meet every single person
5. Smile
- Justin Hartfield

10 MISTAKES IN CONVERSATIONS
1. Not listening
2. Asking too many questions
3. Tightening up
4. Poor delivery
5. Hogging the spot-light
6. Having to be right
7. Talking about a weird or negative topic
8. Being boring
9. Not reciprocating
10. Not contributing much
- Positivity blog

HOW TO TALK IN STRESSED SITUATIONS
3 things make stressed conversations succeed -Clarity, Neutrality and Temperance.

1. Clarity
Letting words do the work for us. Avoid euphemisms or talking in circles-tell people clearly what you mean. Under strained circumstances, we all tend to shy away from clarity because we equate it with brutality and then instead start talking in roundabout and terribly misleading way to give someone the ‘tough’ information.

Doctors, Policemen and Priests are extremely good examples of clear talkers. They are able to deliver the most unpleasant of information in a clear manner.

2. Neutrality
Tone is the nonverbal part of delivery in stressful conversations.

It is: intonation, facial expressions, conscious and unconscious body language.

Although it is hard, neutrality is the desired norm in crisis communications, including stressful conversations.

The best example is NASA which communicates in uninflected tones: “Houston, we have a problem”. It takes practice to acquire such neutrality.

3. Temperance
There are lots of different ways to express yourself say in a complex language such as English. We should always try to use temperate phrases in stressful places. Remember, we are not in stressful places to create enemies or to score points. The Goal is to advance the conversation, to hear and be heard accurately, and to have a functional exchange between two people.

Temperate Phrasing will help you take the strain out of stressful conversation.

Take a lesson from the whale; the only time he gets speared is when he raises to spout.
- Anon

PHONETIC SPELLING ALPHABET
Used by communicators around the world to clarify letters and spellings. Also known as the NATO alphabet.

A - alpha
B - bravo
C - charlie
D - delta
E - echo
F - foxtrot
G - golf
H - hotel
I - india
J - juliet
K - kilo
L - lima
M - mike
N - november
O - oscar
P - papa
Q - quebec
R - romeo
S - sierra
T - tango
U - uniform
V - victor
W - whisky
X - x-ray
Y - yankee
Z - zulu

10 CONVERSATION TRICKS
1. Feign sincerity with eye contact and repetition: Make eye contact, echo what the person is saying to you back to them, and nod in understanding (even if you're not).

2. End a conversation with body language: for example, simply standing up (or crossing your arms, or speeding up to a "fast walk") to indicate it's time for that person to go and you're busy.

3. Ask sensitive questions indirectly to skip awkwardness: Use it when the info you need from someone is somewhat sensitive, use the bluff ("the breakup must've been hard, huh?") or blame others ("so has anyone asked about your prison time?") or the indirect inquiry ("what year did you get divorced?")

4. Use silence to win arguments and nail a negotiation: for example, when the other party offers a price, opt for a long pause to indicate hesitation, which might prompt them to go lower. In the case of arguments, prolonged silence may frustrate the other person—but it'll also make you look like the winner.

5. Soften critiques with the sandwich method to soften the blow: start with a compliment, then mention your critique, then end on a positive note.

6. Say "no" gently—or say "yes, but....": For example, "I'm in the middle of several projects right now" to "I'm not the right person for that job."

7. Ask questions well

8. De-code office jargon: Client want to "touch base"? Manager want to "get on the same page"? Search Google for "Office Slang"

9. "Pace and lead" an irate person: Instead of remaining calm, match the other party's emotional intensity to show you're empathetic, then lead the complainant to a calmer level of discourse.

10. Become a human lie detector: Note sudden changes in voice pitch, rate of speech, or "ums" and "ahs," a change in eye contact, and body position.

- Lifehacker.com

Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.
- Bishop Desmond Tutu


HOW TO START A CONVERSATION AND MAKE FRIENDS

1. Body Language
- Smile
- Open Posture
- Forward Lean
- Touch
- Eye Contact
- Nod

2. Starting
- Risk Versus Rejection
- Change from passive to active
- Look for receptivity
- Ask easy-to-answer ritual questions
- Break the ice - a compliment followed by a ritual question
- Make questions open ended
- Use free information revealed
- Reveal free information of your own

3. Know what to say by listening (active listening)
- Don't think - listen
- Don't parrot back what is said
- Merge old knowledge with new information
- Ask for and think of examples relevant to what is being said
- Anticipate
- Summarize
-. Listen for more under the surface and use questions to get to it
- Good listening requires practice and concentration

4. Seek more based on free information
- Allow the other person the option of not answering personal questions
- Avoid taboos

5. Disclose free information
- Exercise discretion
- Consider what you really have to lose
a. Four levels of self-disclosure
1. Cliché
2. Basic personal facts
3. Personal opinions and preferences
4. Personal feelings
- Reveal a little at a time and in context
- Be realistic and be yourself
- Reveal your goals
- Let someone get to know you

3. Keeping the conversation going
a. Focus on the situation at hand
- Look outward - not inward
- Situation is a series of concentric circles (immediate environment > neighborhood)
b. Find the person's big life events
- Hot buttons
- Share your hot buttons
- Seek common interests
c. Balance two-way exchange
- Balance talking and listening
- Balance information exchange
d. Discuss topics that are important to you
e. Change topics using free information
- Refer to free information ("I heard you mention earlier. . .")
- When necessary, change the subject
- Listen for key words, facts, and details and remember them
f Opening Channels
- Tell others the purpose of the conversation
- Develop respect for others
- Consider other people's feelings
- Accept the other person's sense of relevancy
g. Closing Conversations
- Briefly summarize main ideas discussed
- Consider planning a specific future meeting
- Use person's name when saying goodbye
h. Problem conversations
- Use directed questions to avoid a complainers problem areas
- Use repetitive "not interested" response with manipulative salespeople

6. Remembering names
- Concentrate at the introduction & repeat the name out loud
- Take a mental picture of the moment of introduction
- Associate the name with an outstanding feature
- Associate the new name with a known person of the same name
- Make a letter chain of the first letters of each name

7. Improving Conversations
- Silence is okay
- Use encouragement and positive feedback - don't criticize
- Look for the lesson in criticisms
- Ask for what you want directly

8. Overcoming Hangups
- Arguing - don't assume everything you know is absolutely true
- Stereotyping - separate isolated behavior from total personality
- Being non-assertive - ask for what you want (you have the right to say no and not feel guilty about it)
- False modesty - it's okay to say you don't know & ask to be filled in
- Copping out - don't put yourself down

9. Making friends
- Develop trust
- To meet people, go to where you have fun
- Meet people with common interests
- Keep it friendly and light at first
- Keep an inventory of facts and details about the person
- Plan an activity around a common interest
- Maintain contact with people you like
- Make the other person feel important
- Be open to new experiences
- Share activities with friends
- Friendships grow over time
- "The only way to have a friend is to be one." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

50 ways to improve your conversation

1. Be the first to say hello.
2. Introduce yourself to others.
3. Take risks. Don't anticipate rejection.
4. Display your sense of humor.
5. Be receptive to new ideas.
6. Make an extra effort to remember people's names.
7. Ask a person's name if you have forgotten it.
8. Show curiosity and interest in others.
9. Tell other people about the important events in your life.
10. Tell others about yourself, and what your likes are.
11. Show others that you are a good listener by restating their comments in another manner.
12. Communicate enthusiasm and excitement about things and life in general to those you meet.
13. Go out of your way to meet new people.
14. Accept a person's right to be an individual.
15. Let the natural you come out when talking to others.
16. Be able to tell others what you do in a few short sentences.
17. Reintroduce yourself to someone who has forgotten your name.
18. Be able to tell others something interesting or challenging about what you do.
19. Be aware of open and closed body language.
20. Use eye contact and smiling as your first contact with people.
21. Greet people you see regularly.
22. Seek common interests, goals, and experiences in the people you meet.
23. Make an effort to help people if you can.
24. Let others play the expert.
25. Be open to answering common ritual questions.
26. Get enthusiastic about other people's interests.
27. Balance the giving and receiving of information.
28. Be able to speak about a variety of topics and subjects.
29. Keep abreast of current events and the issues that affect all of our lives.
30. Be open to other people's opinions and feelings.
31. Express your feelings, opinions, and emotions to others.
32. Use "I" and speak of your feelings when you talk about personal things.
33. Don't use the word "you" when you mean "I."
34. Show others that you are enjoying your conversations with them.
35. Invite people to join you for dinner, social events, or other activities for companionship.
36. Keep in touch with friends and acquaintances.
37. Ask other people their opinions.
38. Look for the positive in those you meet.
39. Start and end your conversation with a person's name and a handshake or warm greeting.
40. Take time to be cordial with your neighbors and co-workers.
41. Let others know that you want to get to know them better.
42. Ask others about things they have told you in previous conversations.
43. Listen carefully for free information.
44. Be tolerant of other people's beliefs if they differ from yours.
45. Change the topic of conversation when it has run its course.
46. Always search for another person's "hot button."
47. Compliment others about what they are wearing, doing, or saying.
48. Encourage others to talk with you by sending out receptivity signals.
49. Make an effort to see and talk to people you enjoy and have fun with.
50. When you tell a story, present the main point first, and then add the supporting details afterward.

- Adapted from ‘How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends’ by Don Gabor

Also Read
How to be a great communicator
The Networker's Bible: 75+ tips on connecting and influencing people
A simple guide to becoming a Great Listener
How to be remarkable #51: Be a great public speaker
Body Language simple, very simple

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