Martin Seligman has written one of the most useful, practical books about achieving happiness in life.
Lessons:
1. Learning Optimism
* You can apply the same ABCDE technique
* The focus is on getting past your personal "wall", the part of your work that most makes you want to give up (e.g. cold-calling).
o E.g. Write up an ABC report for each of 10 cold calls. Analyze the pessimism in your statements
+ Now do it again, but this time, dispute the consequences, and write down the energization and feelings that ensue
2. Several studies have shown that the prevalence of depression has risen an order of magnitude during the 20th Century. People born before WWI had a 1% chance of being depressed at some point in their life. People born around 1925 had a 4% chance. And people born around 1955 had a 6% chance.
3. Women are twice as likely to suffer depression as men because they think differently. Men tend to act rather than reflect. Women tend to contemplate their depression, trying to analyze it and determine its source. This rumination, coupled with pessimism, leads to depression.
4. The most optimistic 10% at Met Life sold 88% more than the most pessimistic 10%
5. Pessimists are sadder but more realistic. Optimists distort reality in a self-serving direction and pessimists tend to see reality accurately.
6. Children do get depressed about as much as adults, but they do not get hopeless, and they do not commit suicide. Children younger than 7 never commit suicide, even though children as young as 5 commit homicide.
7. Because the girls tend to be well-behaved and the boys don't, when failure occurs, girls tend to get more permanent and pervasive explanations, whereas boys are blamed for poor behavior (which is temporary and specific).
8. Children of divorce tend to be much more depressed
9. Optimistic teams win more games the following season than their previous W-L record would predict
10. Nursing home residents who have more choice and control are more active, happier, and less likely to die.
11. Men who used "mature defenses" (humor, altruism, sublimation) went on to have much more successful and healthy lives. At age 60, none were chronically ill, versus 1/3 for men with "immature defenses" (denial, projection).
12. From 1948 to 1984, the more optimistic candidate won 9 out of 10 presidential elections. The one exception was Nixon in 1968,
where Humphrey's campaign was marred by riots at the Democratic National Convention
A pessimist is likely to make fewer campaign stops (confirmed by the research), be less well-liked, and engender less hope.
13. When to use Optimism
* If you are in an achievement situation (e.g. selling, writing a book)
* If you are concerned about how you will feel
* If the situation is likely to be protracted, and your physical health is an issue
* If you want to lead, inspire, or win votes
14. When to use Pessimism
* If your goal is to plan for a risky and uncertain future
* If your goal is to counsel others whose future is dim, do not use optimism initially
* If you want to appear sympathetic, don't start with optimism, though using it later once confidence and empathy are established will help - If the cost of failure is high, optimism is the wrong strategy.
15. The ABCDE Model
* A = Adversity
* B = Belief
* C = Consequences
* D = Disputation
* E = Energization
Adversity
The objective description of what happened (not your interpretation of it)
Belief
Your beliefs are how you interpret the adversity.
Be sure to separate thoughts from feelings (feelings are consequences)
o You can check the accuracy of thoughts; you can't check the accuracy of feelings--if you feel sad, you are sad
Consequences
Your feelings, and what you did.
o Often you will feel more than one thing
o Write down as many as you are aware of What did you do then?
Disputation
* There are two ways to deal with pessimistic beliefs--distraction and disputation
o Distraction
+ There are several simple but effective thought-stopping techniques
# Ringing a loud bell
# Carry a 3x5 card with the word STOP on it
# Wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it hard
+ To keep your thoughts from returning to a negative belief, direct your attention elsewhere
# Concentrate on a small object with all your focus
+ When adversity strikes, schedule some time--later--for thinking things over
+ Write the troublesome thoughts down the moment they occur
o Disputation
+ A deeper, more lasting remedy for disturbing beliefs is to dispute them. Go on the attack.
+ It's easy to distance oneself from the accusations of others, but when we launch the attack ourselves, we assume it must be true. Wrong!
The 4 Disputation Techniques
Evidence
o Show that the negative belief is factually incorrect. Ask, "What is the evidence for this belief?"
+ Unlike positive thinking, which consists of trying to believe upbeat statements in the absence of evidence, learned optimism is about accuracy
+ Repeating positive statements doesn't raise mood or achievement; it's how you cope with negative statements that has effect ("the power of non-negative thinking")
+ Most people catastrophize--they select the potential cause with the direst implications--you can easily dispute this by pointing to the distortions in this
Alternatives
o Most events have many causes. Pessimists latch on to the worst possible cause.
o To generate alternative explanations, focus on changeable, specific, non-personal causes
Implications
*Sometimes, the negative belief is correct. If that's the case, you can still de-catastrophize.
+ "Even if my belief is correct, what are it's real implications?"
+ You can then repeat the search for evidence
Usefulness
o Sometimes, the consequences of holding a belief matter more than the truth of that belief
+ E.g. Your belief that life isn't fair is true, but doesn't do much for you
o If a belief isn't useful, try distraction, or look to the future. "Is the situation changeable? How can I go about changing it?"
Practice the ABCDE technique with a friend or spouse providing the negative criticism to challenge you.
[From the Great Books Series. Also see The Success Manual - Encyclopedia of Advice, which contains summaries of 100+ Most useful books.]
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