Andy Rooney, the American radio and television writer, was perhaps most famous for his satirical quotes about news and other things in life, on the last word segment "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney", each week on the CBS news magazine "60 Minutes." (note: the subheads in bold are mine)
The journey is the destination
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
Patriotism, what use?
One question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, been a force for good or evil in the world. Patriotism is rampant in war and there are some good things about it. Just as self-respect and pride bring out the best in an individual, pride in family, pride in teammates, pride in hometown bring out the best in groups of people. War brings out the kind of pride in country that encourages its citizens in the direction of excellence and it encourages them to be ready to die for it. At no time do people work so well together to achieve the same goal as they do in wartime. Maybe that's enough to make patriotism eligible to be considered a virtue. If only I could get out of my mind the most patriotic people who ever lived, the Nazi Germans.
Fine print is wrong
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Happiness is in the small things
For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are that you’re not going to be very happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
Why does food need to look pretty?
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Government imposes too much
I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Manual work is good
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Middle managers are killing us
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare.
Some people make our lives worthwhile
We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us." (on the astronauts aboard the Space Shuttle Challenger after it exploded on takeoff in 1986)
Everything has cheapened today
The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
Trolls will be trolls
Not everyone has a right to his own opinion. If he doesn’t know the facts, his opinion doesn’t count.
Computers, what use?
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Politicians are vane
I'm already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You'd have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.
Older women are great
An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
Ration your advice
I've learned...that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
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